Released: 2017
Ayo, let’s unpack this raw narrative laid down by XXXTENTACION in “Jocelyn Flores.” This joint is a heart-wrenching homage to a friend who succumbed to her inner demons, stirring up a storm of emotions revolving around grief, guilt, and mental struggles. It’s a deep dive into the psyche of X, exploring the impact of loss and the battle with one’s own mental anguish.
Right out the gate, X sets the tone with the line, “I know you’re somewhere, somewhere,” reflecting the haunting feeling of absence and the hope that Jocelyn’s spirit is still lingering. He’s “trapped in [his] mind,” illustrating the isolating grip of depression, a place where even memories become a cell. The line “I don’t wanna pretend there’s something, we’re nothing” suggests X is trying to sever ties with the fantasy of what could have been, facing the grim reality head-on.
The rawness hits peak when X confesses about wanting to “put ten shots in [his] brain,” leaving no doubt about the severity of his suicidal thoughts. He’s detailing a struggle that’s intense and personal, painting a picture of a mind that’s fraying at the seams. The reference to the girl he knew killing herself and the aftermath that “nobody helped” only fuels the guilt and self-hatred festering inside him. This reflects a broader commentary on how society often overlooks mental health until it’s too late.
X then flips the script by bringing in his own family trauma. Hearing about his uncle’s brush with a “slipknot”—a vivid image of a noose—fuels his PTSD, and he ain’t mincing words about how this news messes with his mind. The battle scars from his past are laid bare when he mentions being locked up, likely a nod to his time in detention centers and correctional facilities. It’s a hint at how past incarcerations and traumas can cast long, dark shadows over one’s present state of mind.
In the refrain, X’s repetition of “I be feeling pain, I be feeling pain just to hold on / And I don’t feel the same, I’m so numb” is a paradox, showing he’s in a constant state of hurting just to maintain a grip on life. That numbness? It’s the emotional disconnect that comes from being in too much pain for too long, a protective yet dissociative response to ongoing distress. The repetition is like a cry for help echoing in a void, symbolizing the cyclical nature of his struggle.
Throughout “Jocelyn Flores,” XXXTENTACION ain’t just rapping; he’s bearing his soul, using his platform to shine a stark light on the very real issues of depression and suicide that plague many. The simplicity of the track’s production – the somber guitar loop and minimalistic beat – allows X’s poignant lyrics to hit with full force, ensuring that his message about pain, loss, and the importance of mental health awareness resonates long after the track ends.
