Released: 2017
“Only” by Jelly Roll isn’t just a song; it’s a deep dive into the heart and soul of a man wrestling with his demons and the dualities of his existence. It’s about the battle between the life he leads and the one he dreams of, where his vices and virtues are in a constant tug of war. Jelly Roll lays it all out, questioning what’s real, what’s worth fighting for, and what happens when the darker sides of life take hold.
The song kicks off with questions that hit deep: “What if the love that I’m missing is finally taking control? What if the drugs in my system have finally taken a toll?” Jelly Roll is opening up about the emptiness and the consequences of his lifestyle, using love and drugs as metaphors for the things that have both filled and drained his life. When he says, “What if I bleed? The whole world will see my heart,” he’s talking about his vulnerability, the fear of showing his true self and the scars he’s earned along the way. He’s asking for mercy, for understanding, in the rawest form.
The chorus, “I don’t wanna wake up, I’m living in a dream right now,” reveals Jelly Roll’s escape mechanism—living in a dream because reality is too harsh, too much of a reminder of his faults and failures. He confesses “Only place I ain’t a fuck up, Only place for me to be right now,” highlighting how trapped he feels in his own life, except in his dreams where he can be the version of himself he wants to be. The repetition of “I only feel right when I’m doing wrong,” is a stark admission of his struggle with morality, feeling most at ease when he’s against the grain, even though he knows it’s damaging.
Further along, he contemplates questions of mortality and morality: “What if the darkness inside of me has finally taken my soul? What if the angels in heaven were sent to take me home?” This is Jelly Roll wrestling with his worth, pondering whether the good he’s done can outshine the bad, or if he’s too far gone. It’s a plea for redemption, for a sign that there’s light at the end of his dark tunnel.
The song concludes on a reflective note, wondering about existence and the pursuit of freedom, “What if the moon disappears and the sun doesn’t light up the sky?” This line symbolizes losing hope, the fear of what happens when the things you rely on for light and guidance are no longer there. Yet, it also pivots to introspection, suggesting that maybe the freedom we seek from our external battles is actually within us, “What if the freedom we’re seeking is only inside of our mind?” It’s a powerful message of self-reliance and finding inner peace amidst chaos.
Through “Only,” Jelly Roll takes us on a profound journey of self-discovery, pain, and the quest for peace. It’s a raw, unfiltered glimpse into the soul of a man searching for answers in the middle of life’s storm, making us all question our own battles, dreams, and the very essence of right and wrong.
